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The TechSupport Workweek
8:05am - User called to say they forgot password. Told them to use password retrieval utility called FDISK. Blissfully ignorant, they thank me and hang up. God, we let the people vote and drive, too? 8:12am - Accounting called to say they couldn't access expense reports database. Gave them Standard System Admin Answer #112: "Well, it works for me." Let them rant and rave while I unplugged my coffeemaker from the powerstrip and plugged their server back in. Suggested they try it again. One more happy customer. 8:14am - User from first call said they received an error message: "Error accessing Drive 0". Told them it was an OS problem. Transferred them to microsupport. 11:00am - Relatively quiet for the past few hours. Decided to plug support phone back in. Called girlfriend. She says her parents are coming into town this weekend. Put her on hold and transferred her to basement janitorial closet. What is she thinking?! The Half-Life and Quake 3 Arena Nationals are this weekend! 11:34am - Another user calls. Says they want access levle changed on HR performance review database so that nobody but HR can access database. Tell them "no problem." Hang up. Change access level to "Add@MailSend" so performance reviews are sent to */US. 12:00pm - Lunch. 3:30pm - Back from Lunch. 3:55pm - Wake up from nap. Bad dream makes me cranky. Bounce servers for no reason. 4:20pm - Wake up from second nap. 4:23pm - Yet another user calls. Wants to know how to change fonts on form. Ask them what chip set they're using. Tell them to call back when they find out. 4:55pm - Decide to run "Create Save/Replication Conflicts" macro so next shift has something to do.
8:30am - Finish reading support log from last night. Sounded busy. Terrible fiasco with all those Save/Replication conflicts. 9:00am - Support manager arrives. Wants to discuss my attitude. Click on PhoneNotes SmartIcon. "Love to, but kinda busy. Put something in the calendar database!" I suggest as I grab for the support lines (which have, mysteriously, all lit up in unison). Manager walks away, grumbling. 9:35am - Team leader from R&D needs ID for new employee. Tell them they need form J-19R\9C9\\DARR\K1. They say they've never heard of such form. Tell them it's in the "Special Forms" database. They say they've never heard of such database. Transfer them to basement janitorial closet. 10:00am - Perky sounding intern from R&D calls and says she needs a new ID. Tell her I need employee number, department name, manager name, and marital status. Run@DbLookup against state parole board database, CDC database, and my own special Winfrey/Springer database. No hits. Tell her ID will be ready tonight. Drawing from the lessons I learned in last week's "Re-engineering for Customer Partnership" class, I offer to personally deliver ID to her apartment. 10:07am - Janitor stops by to say he keeps getting strange calls in basement. Offer to train him on Notes. Begin now. Let him watch console while I grab a smoke break. 1:00pm - Return from smoke break. Janitor says phones kept ringing, so he transferred them to the cafeteria lady. I like this guy. 1:05pm - Big commotion! Support manager falls in hole left where I pulled floor tiles out. Hole happened to be directly in front of the exit door, but this is a coincidence. Stress to him the importance of not running in computer room, even if someone does yell "Ohmygod, FIRE!!!" 1:15pm - Development Standards Committee calls and complains about umlauts in form names. Apologizing for the inconvenience, I tell them I will fix it. Hang up and run global search/replace using "gaks". 1:20pm - Mary Hairnet from the caferteria calls. Says she keeps getting calls for Notice Loads or NoLoad Goats, she's not sure (couldn't hear over industrial grade blender). Tell her it was probably Lettuce Nodes. Maybe the food distributor? Hang up on her. 2:00pm - Legal secretary calls and says she lost her password. Ask her to check in her purse, floor of car, and in ladies bathroom. Tell her it probably fell out of the back of her machine. Suggest she put duct tape over all the airvents she can find on the PC. Grudgingly offer to create new password for her while she does that. 2:49pm - Janitor comes back, asks for more lessons. I take rest of day off.
8:30am - Irate user calls to say chipset has nothing to do with fonts on form. I say, "Of course not! You need to check the bitset, not the chipset." Sheepish user apologizes and hangs up. 9:10am - Support manager, with foot in cast, returns to office. Schedules meeting with me. User calls and wants to talk to Support Manager about terrible help at support desk. Tell them manager is about to go into a meeting. Sometimes life hands you material... 10:00am - Call Louie in the basement janitorial closet to cover for me. 10:05am - In Support Manager's office, he says he can't dismiss me but can suggest several lateral career moves. Most involve fame implements in third-world countries with moderate to heavy political and social turmoil. By and by, I ask if he's aware of new bug which searches e-mail archive database and puts all emails referring to furry handcuffs and photos of Bambi Boombags on corporate Web site. Meeting is adjourned. As I leave, I see he's already frantically bringing up Microsoft Outlook and IE. 10:30am - Tell Louie he's doing a great job. Offer to show him mainframe corporate PBX system sometime. 11:00am - Lunch. 4:55pm - Return from Lunch.
8:00am - New guy (Marvin) started today. "Nice plaids," I offer. Show him server room, wiring closet, and tech library. Set him up with IBM PC-XT. Tell him to quit whining, Notes runs the same in both color and monochrome. 8:45am - Marvin's XT is finished booting up. Tell him I'll go create a new ID for him. Set minimum password length to 64 characters. Go grab a smoke. 9:30am - Introduce Louie to Marvin. "Nice plaids," says Louie. Is this guy great, or what?! 11:00am - Beat Louie in dominos. Louie leaves. Fish spare dominos out of sleeves. Always have backups. 11:05am - User calls, says Accounting server is down. Untie ethernet cable from radio antenna (better reception) and plug it back into hub. Tell user to try again. Another happy customer! 11:55am - Brief Marvin on Corporate Policy 98.022.01: "Whereas all new employees beginning on days ending in `Y' shall enjoy all proper aspects with said corporation, said employee is obligated to provide substance and relief to senior technical analyst on shift. Marvin doubts. I point to Corporate Policy Database (a fine piece of work, if I say so myself). "Remember, that's DOUBLE pepperoni and NO onions," I yell to Marvin as he steps over open floor tile on his way out the door. 1:00pm - Pizza makes me sleepy. Mmmm... 4:30pm - Wake from nap. Catch Marvin scanning classifieds. 4:59pm - Almost shift change. Flick HR server off and on about 10 times (testing switch).
8:00am - Night shift still trying to replace power supply in HR server. Strange. 9:00am - Marvin still not here. Maybe I should start answering these calls myself. Unforward phones from mailroom. 9:02am - User in Des Moines can't replicate. Me and the Ouiji board determine it's sunspots. Tell them to call telecommunications. 9:30am - Good God, another user! They're like ants! Says he's in San Diego and he can't replicate with Des Moines. Tell him it's sunspots, but with a two-hour difference. Suggest he reset the time on the server back two hours. 10:17am - Pensacola calls. Says they can't route mail to San Diego. Tell them to set server ahead three hours. 11:00am - Email from corporate offices says for everybody to quit resetting the time on the servers. I change the date stamp and forward it to Milwaukee. 11:20am - Finish @Coffeemaker macro. Put phone back on hook. 11:23am - Milwaukee calls, asks what day it is. 11:25am - Support Manager stops by to say Marvin called in and quit. "So hard to get good help," I respond. Support Manager says he has appointment with orthopedic specialist this afternoon, and asks if I mind sitting in on the weekly department head meeting for him. No problem! 11:30am - "Hey Louie, you want to sit in on a department head meeting? What? Sure, you can bring your snuff." 12:00pm - Lunch. 1:00pm - Start full backups on UNIX server. Route them to device NULL to make them run quicker. 1:03pm - MAN those backups are fast! Done already. I love modern technology! 2:30pm - Look in Support Manager's contact database. Cancel 2:45pm appointment for him. He really should be at home resting, you know. 2:39pm - New user calls. Says she wants to learn how to create a column in her customer account information spreadsheet. Go in at look at spreadsheet. Kind of interesting. Print copy for myself. Tell her I can't 3E it. Hang up and change font to WingDings. 3:30pm - Perky sounding intern from R&D calls to thank me for all the help I've given her on the new ID and password issue. Asks me out for drinks after work. Score! 4:58pm - Plug coffeemaker into Ethernet hub to see what happens. Not (too) much. 5:00pm - Shift change! Tell night shift that the hub is acting funny and to have good weekend. Cheers!
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